Part of the reason that I like the internet is because of the anonymity, and part of the reason that I DON’T like the internet is because of the Anonymity. it is somewhat a double edged sword to me. Sometimes I come to the Blogstream to just free graze so to speak. There are times when I don’t feel like writing comments or posts, I just like to sort of roam around and see if everyone that I hang out with here is ok. I am a big fan of writing, but I am also a big fan of reading, I read in fact, a whole lot more than I write these days I figure that its part of the privilege of being a member of this fine online community. Here lately, a few things have come into light here that I’m not too sure that I like. It would appear that some people here like to use stat counters to keep track of who comes and goes to and from their blog’s. that’s fine and dandy, but I thought that Blogstream already had a unique visitors counter at the bottom of every blog page. I don’t know why anyone would feel the need to track everyone’s footsteps who tends to visit their blog, me personally I don’t like the idea that every time I open a page that someone is more concerned with who I am, where I’ve been and how long I’ll be staying on their page. If you don’t want me there just say so and I won‘t come around anymore. I’m not trying to come off as being paranoid here, its just that I personally don’t like being tracked, I don’t feel comfortable with being watched, it feels too damn big brotherish. None for me thanks. In other ways this does answer a few questions for me though, lately as in the past month or so every time that I have run my spybot anti spy ware program it has been picking up a butt load of suspicious programs on my computer, I believe the list looks like this:
Fast Click- 7 entries.
Double click - 1 entry.
Stat counter- 8 entries.
At last I think I am beginning to understand where these programs are coming from. Now the trick is figuring out how to avoid getting them on my computer again. See for me this blogging thing is simple. You can come here anytime that you want to. You won’t be tracked, followed, or scrutinized, I don’t care who you are and as long as your intentions here aren’t malicious you are welcome. This is after all just my blog. Not my life. But hey maybe that’s just me. Y’all have a great weekend.

~Scratch~

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I was net surfing tonight when I came across these. I never saw them before so I thought that I would share them with ya. don't know if they're accurate but I thought that they were pretty funny.



How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK
One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON
One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, bricks on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: OHIO, but driving in BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: ITALY
One hand on 12 oz. Double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: TEXAS
Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: ALABAMA
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: FLORIDA

Not sure if any of this is true but they are pretty Funny.



Car Insurance Claims.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

I thought the window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

The indirect cause of the crash was the little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.

A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

In and attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached the intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to crash.

I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.

To avoid hitting the bumper in front of me, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end..

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentlemen as he bounced off the hood of my car.

Y'all have a great week. see ya's soon!

Believe it or not I have learned a few new things this week, One being that the Blogstream Triangle DOES exist. And that the blog gnomes were indeed responsible for Most (If not all) of the missing posts. And that half bent, crack pot psychiatrists really don’t like getting mooned by those pesky little gnomes. And that some of those half bent crack pots are in need of psychiatric treatment themselves. Okay, well we managed to repel the gnome invasion. But on to other things that I have learned, Cingular wireless cell phone sales people are completely full of shit. All week I have been getting prompt phone calls from Cingular (Now AT&T) telling me that I was eligible for a free upgrade on my cell phone. Three phone calls in a week, to remind me that in April my contract is up with them. So yesterday I figured what the hell, I’ll go down there and see what they can do for me. What a waste of time, I get there to be greeted by a very energetic twenty something who is very eager it seems to SELL me something, when I explained from the get go that I was there simply for the free upgrade. Having gotten that through his thick skull, (Finally) we move over to where the phone’s are on display. I must admit my mouth was watering, but I cleverly managed to conceal my drool from the sales hack. A thousand images rolled through my brain all at once.. Finally! I would get a decent cell phone with a screen that I could actually see and read without wearing glasses with lenses made by Hubble. Finally! YES!!… UTOPIA! Hold on.. sales boy seems to be making some sort of calculation. He says while adjusting his own spectacles.
“You can upgrade to this one here, it has a bigger screen and it will only cost you a hundred and fifty dollars.. Out the door.”
Now.. Correct me if I’m wrong here.. But one hundred and fifty dollars out the door is a long way from free.
“Son did I not say that I came simply for the FREE upgrade?”
I get a blank stare..
“Well.. You can get this one here and its Basically free.”
And what does he hold up to display with his clamy little digits?.. The very same phone that I have NOW!!
“No! that’s the same friggin piece of shit that I have now Damnit!! I WANT MY FREE UPGRADE YOU LITTLE CAPITOLIST BASTARD!!
So.. I left.. Without my free upgrade. So I think to properly combat the feeling of outrage that I felt I am going to be shopping for a new cell phone service provider in April. And if the little prick try to tell me that after a year or two that I will be eligible for a free upgrade I’m going to promptly shove the phone and their crappy service right up their lying asses!.. Now if you’ll excuse me.. I have to go buy a bigger set of glasses.. I hear Hubble is having a sale.

There is a slight mist on the window pane, as the rain softly begins to drizzle along the flat cold wet surface. He sits back slowly studying the scene before him. He is Sigpuss Fraud, psychologist extraordinaire . I look over at Barney, then my eyes slowly travel across the room drifting over the form of Mr. P and stopping at the perfect curves of Doctor Feelgoddess. Doctor Fraud begins taking notes and verbally relating what he is writing out loud.
*Insert thick German accent here*
“Subject claims to see und hear little short people with funny pointed hats. I fully suspect that subject may be more than slightly delusional”
I lean over to address Doctor Feelgoddess.
“Say Doc.. Are you getting all of this?”
She nods to the affirmative. Doctor Fraud is scribbling again.
“Subjects Psychosis seems to have manifested itself into secondary personalities.”
I stand abruptly.
“Here now Dr Quack! I will not have you talking about my friend Sherry that way! Cease and desist with this deluge you meandering mud slinger you!”
He peers over his spectacles at me.
“I vas talking about you Scratch.”
“Oh… well.. never mind then.”



He puts down the writing tablet and is once again peering over the top of his spectacles at me.
“ So.. Tell me Mr. Scratch. Vhen did you start seeing these little people?”
“Little People?”
He grunts slightly and begins to paw at his notations.
“These…… Blog Gnomes.”
The fabulous Doctor F. crosses her legs and winks at me, and I give her the nod.
“Blog Gnomes?” I ask innocently.. “What’s a Blog Gnome?”
“The Little People From… what was it again?” more pawing through notations. “Ah yes.. From the Blogstream Triangle.”
I cast him a confused look.
“Doctor Fraud?… do you see any little people in here?”
He begins to turn a pretty combination of light purple and red.
“Thas Blog Gnomes Scratch!! Thas Blog Gnomes!!”
I lean once again towards My precious Doctor F.
“What do you make of it Doc?.. He sees Blog Gnomes and then has the nerve to call ME delusional.”
“But YOU Saw them Scratch!!.. Not Me.”



“Make up your mind doc.. Do you see them or not?”
“No… No… NOOOOOOO!”
“Ok.. You don’t see them then?”
He removes the specs and begins to clean them.
“Not Me Scratch…. YOUUU!…. You said That YOU saw them. I have it right here in my notes..”
He begins to frantically paw through his notes again.
“Vait…. Vait a minute.. I had it right here a minute ago..”
I lean towards him..
“You see little people in pointed funny hats.. And now you’re hearing things?… Doctor Fraud? Are you sure that YOU don’t need a psych evaluation?”
“No Damnit!! Yooouu are Trying to trick me-” he stops in mid sentence.
“Und it isn’t Pointed funny Hats.. Its Little funny Pointed hats.”
“Are you sure?”
“YES!”
“I thought that you said before that they were funny pointed hats.. Not LITTLE funny pointed hats.”
“VAAAAAAT??”
“Well your being evasive with your dialog there Doctor Fraud, are the funny pointed hats little?.. Or are the people Little?”
He begins to wipe the sweat off of his troubled brow.



“Doctor Fraud?”
“Yes?”
“Perhaps a short break is in order?”
He steps outside the office complex onto the patio and lights his pipe. Doctor Feelgoddess and I study him through the rain speckled window pane, just when the little person with the funny little pointed hat emerges from the shrubbery and bends over in front of Doctor Fraud and defiantly lowers its pants and waves its bare buttocks at him before running back into the shrubbery. Muffled cries, and screams of indignant protest waffle back into the room through the partially closed patio door, and we all curiously watch as the angry Doctor Fraud begins to pursue the mischievous gnome through the underbrush. I put my arm around Doctor F and pose a question to her.
“Do you suppose it’s the Profession that’s driving him crazy?”

Hmmmmph.. The nerve of some People.

Doobix.com

Well, I’ve have gone and done it. I exposed the blog gnomes in all of their mischievous glory, and now here I am safely back in my little corner of the blog world. But I’ve learned a few things since returning from the blogging abyss. Blog Gnomes aren’t just about screwing up your posts, they seemed to have followed me back here this week. And have followed me , to work.. To the store. In fact everywhere I have gone this week I could feel their input. At work three count em, three different people at work had pages that they were working on, (Mostly spread sheets.) up and disappear on them. I had a perfectly running Fed Ex shipping manager on my computer at work, up and close on me for no damn good reason. And when I tried to explain to my boss that the Blog Gnomes had followed me back from the triangle, and were seeking revenge on me for having exposed them, well lets just say he looked at me like I had another appendage growing out of my forehead.




Yes siree.. Its all the Blog Gnomes fault. They got pissed at me, so this is now my punishment. I tried to rationally explain it to people. They are in your computer, at work, at home, in your GPS, in your laptop. Why the little fuckers are everywhere. So I told my Boss..
“Boss.. I know what happened to your spread sheets.”
A vacant stare ensues.
“What did you do to my computer Scratch?”
“It wasn’t me Boss.. Your computer is infested with Blog Gnomes.”
“Blog What?”
I motion towards him and he slowly leans forward with growing interest.
I am now almost whispering.
“Blog Gnomes sir.”
“?”
“Blog Gnomes.. They followed me back from my trip to the Blogstream Triangle”
“???”
So I sat him down and explained the whole ordeal to him for twenty two minutes in pain staking detail. I go in for psychiatric evaluation on Monday. Thank God its weekend, and I'm once again amongst sane people here on the stream who believe me. You do believe me. Don't Ya?

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