I’ve been told that in the mornings I can be a grumpy old bastard.. In fact I can get downright mean. And until I’ve had My double shot of Starbucks steer clear of the Tomb. Man alive, this morning I don’t know how I managed it, but I woke up on the floor, and either that damned Gremlin, (Or Mr P.) had a camera hidden at my desk. So I fire up the computer and make a bee line right towards Imeem.com, and as soon as I hear Sarah’s sweet voice comin over the speakers I hear the clicking’s of a camera shutter.. Damn room mates! Ahh.. But Sarah’s voice.. Oh man can she make you forget what you were angry about or what? And She’s pretty hot to look at on top of it all.. I swear to the father.. This woman’s Voice can reduce this old dragon to a puddle. Sing it baby.. Geez.. Look at that willya?? Fer cryin out loud.. Talk about Helmet hair.
I still find myself on occasion unable to sleep at night, usually on my weekends, and when it happens it is usually early in the morning hours. When movies don’t quite get the blood going I begin to channel surf through the all night news channels. I know what your thinking, biiiiigg mistake! Yeah its depressing as hell, however, it can be a real eye opener when you listen to some of the politicians of the day spew their crap. I don’t know one from the other, aside from a select few who are always in the forefront of the daily news. I happened upon one such story on CNN I think it was, where it was stated that there were clues leading up to 911 that were completely ignored by our intelligence gathering agencies. That if such clues were taken seriously it may have been prevented, The story then moved onto the invasion of Afghanistan, and how we were told that we were going to get Osama Bin Laden come hell or high water, and then weeks later how we- (Some might argue conveniently ) wandered into Iraq to dethrone papa Bush’s old buddy Saddam from his throne of terrorism. Well Kiddies here we are.. We’ve been in Iraq every since, and there are still people in our Government who want to sit and argue about how we ended up there and who is to blame, well that’s fine and dandy. But it doesn’t solve anything and it doesn’t change anything, the past is the past.. And it will always stay that way, for now and forever it’s a part of history, albeit a very sad part. Could 911 have been prevented? Possibly… but it wasn’t. could they have handled our reaction a bit better?.. Probably.. No.. change that to most definitely.. But they didn’t handle it very well at all. War is a very sad thing, it affords us all first hand accounts of humankind at its very worst. But the past is the past.. And you can look back and just about anyone with an opinion can say: “we should have done this different… we should have done that different.” maybe we should have… yeah.. Maybe.. Hindsight is 20/20, (or so I’m told) but its very easy to get lost in “We should or could have done this or that.” and that’s all fine and dandy, as long as we don’t forget to keep one eye one what’s happening right in front of us.. We can’t go back and change what happened, so maybe it will serve us all best, if we can concentrate on changing what we can change.. Right now.
Is it just me? Or does it seem like the whole damn world is way out of balance?.. More fires.. More floods.. No more balance.. To anything.. More corruption… Less Honesty.. More lies.. Less integrity. More hunger.. Less compassion.. More war.. Less peace.. Are we being led or deserted by our leaders?.. More and more each day we find ourselves living under the impression that we are truly free. And yet more and more each day, our constitutional rights are being strip mined by leadership that allows itself to be continually divided by political parties and hidden agendas, and continues to defy the will of the people. Politicians who talk and talk without ever really saying anything credible or worthwhile, talking out of every orifice of their anatomy simultaneously, all while saying two completely different things. Ah chit, its all a big mess.. Less fuel… Higher prices.. The world needs anger management. Clean Sex.. Dirty water.. Cancer everywhere.. Disease.. E coli… Salmonella.. The world dwells in Chaos.. Chit Scratch.. You just get back in the water and there you go again.. More damn questions.. Ah well.. At least I’m back online again.. For now at least.
Feelin it tonight, don’t know what’s different, maybe it’s the music driving me, looking, searching for something, anything, whatever the underlying cause, I push through the black, hoping to find whatever or whoever is missing that belongs in that hole inside of me. So I turn every dark corner, kick over every rock , search that big black empty to find something real. Maybe its her, maybe not, sometimes all you can do is hope for the best, hope that who or whatever’s listening will help to make sense of it all. Just show me man. The Difference between Love and Hate. Pleasure and pain. Passion and pride. Greed. Anger. Lust. Deceit. Heaven. Hell. Do something… Show me… Hell anything.. Spit. Curse.. Lash out with every ounce of venom that you can muster.. But whatever you do… Make me feel it.. Where are you??
I know its as real as that table right there, but how do I know for certain? Is it because I can physically touch it? I have had dreams that seemed real to me to a certain degree as well, so, does the same thing in a dream tell me that what I’m touching in the dream isn’t real, as what I’m touching in the physical world IS real?, and how do I know that I can trust that distinction between the two?, which table is truly real? The one that I see when I close my eyes, or the one that is there when they are open?. She fidgets in her seat while pondering the questions, she leans forward as if her interest is growing. “Scratch.. Buddy.. These are all questions that have been asked many times before. What we are taught is that what is there while we are in a conscious state is real, and what we see in our minds while we sleep is a dream.. So.. May we stick with that?” “Sure Doc, anything you say, but who is to say that when each is put into context, that both are nothing more than separate realities?” “There is no continuity in the world of dreams Scratch, no two dreams are exactly alike, you don’t pick up right where you left off the last time.” Now I’m leaning forward. “Well, in that sense doc, there isn’t really any continuity in the physical world either, in the direct sense that we each have our perceived realities interrupted by sleep. So what is the true reality and what is the perception? I came here to discuss my imaginary friend with you, and the moment that you actually thought if only for a second, that you actually heard that voice, the imaginary, became in that slightest of instances, a reality, and sanity was no longer the issue.” She leans back again, and crosses her long beautiful legs, but I’m not looking at the skirt this time. “I need a cigarette.” she tells me. “Go for it doc,” I tell her. She lights up a smoke and nervously eyes the door, as if the smoking police will break though and arrest her for breaking her own rule. “I’ve been trying to quit Scratch, But I having myself a time of it I suppose.” My eyes are slowly drifting up and down her body carefully acknowledging every delicious curve. “So.. That was Barney?” “Yep.. Welcome to my world Doc.”
“You can take this in several different directions and apply it to your dilemma of choice, is Barney real or imagined? Or perhaps what scares you doc is that since you’ve heard his voice actually speaking, in that moment of clarity, you perhaps pondered the very distinct possibility that you yourself may be part of the same reality as Barney, meaning, that you may be nothing more than just another figment of MY imagination.” She doesn’t answer, and only her concerned stare offers any to evidence that I may have struck a nerve. “Aww don’t sweat it doc, for all I know I myself may be a figment of someone else’s imagination. Everyone has questions.. About reality, about fantasy, is it live? or is it Memorex?. After all anywhere, and in everyway when life is involved, there will always be more questions than probable conclusive answers. If it isn’t reality its something else.. How did I get here? Where am I going? How long do I have to get there?. Why? What? Where?.. When? So many questions.. So little answers. How real are you? Is it all just a matter of perception? Is there REALLY only one true reality?” She walks over to me and stands in front of me, slowly unbuttoning her blouse, I can smell her sweet perfume, it intoxicates my senses, I can almost taste her salty yet savory sweat on the tip of my tongue. A crash breaks through the silence and I fall to the floor on my hands and knees. When I raise my head I am eye to eye with Mr. P. he cocks his furry head to one side. “Hey Scratch dude?.. Are you alright buddy?” I ponder his question.. It is a question that I cannot easily answer.. Hell… Can Anybody?
